🍧 Welcome to Delusionally Aware 🍧
On Being 'Delusionally Aware': What it means and why you need it.
Hi! I’m Christina Zozulya, your writer and host of ‘Delusionally Aware’. I’m 22, an Aquarius, and, as the title suggests, extremely delusional, extremely aware.
I have always been amazed by this paradoxical ability of mine. How can one be so painfully self-aware and yet so, deeply, deeply delusional? After much contemplation (22 years), I’ve decided that I’ve come to a conclusion.
What you'll discover through this newsletter is that becoming delusionally aware is the best gift you can give yourself. Ever. These two traits are the essential ingredients for a life that is delicious, abundant, and full of adventure. And the best part? Delusionally aware women are everywhere! Think of Samantha Jones from “Sex and the City,” "Empress of Delululand" Isabel Timerman, and even Elle Woods from “Legally Blonde.” What all these women have in common is the not-entirely-logical belief that they can have anything (and anyone) they desire. And they make it happen.
Okay, I understand that was a lot. Take a breath, take a sip of a dirty martini if you need to, and let’s keep going.
Awareness—of oneself and others—is the channeled information that gives an in into the kind of person that you are, and ultimately determines your behavior. It’s what keeps you kind when the Universe isn’t on your side, humble when you’ve leveled up, or quiet when you really want to say something obnoxious but know it’s probably best to just stfu 😊 Basically, without any self-awareness, you’re doomed. You’ll never know when it’s time to quit that job or dump that weirdo that gaslit you for 87% of the relationship (more on this in a later Substack). It can even be as trivial as knowing when it’s time to stop doom scrolling on TikTok and pick up a new hobby. Simply put, having awareness reminds you that you can ALWAYS be better.
Delusion, however, well she’s a complete 180. If awareness is like the left side of your brain — analytical, logical, knows when to keep you in check — then delusion mirrors the right hemisphere — inventive, imaginative, and probably whipping up some crazy ass scenario about a dude you had eye sex with on the train two weeks ago. Often mistaken for devil’s advocate or the “dumb blonde” trait that is somehow embarrassing to possess (I’m blonde, so I can make this joke), delusion is the blind belief that there is a better, hotter, richer, version of you out there somewhere that exists. You just haven’t met her yet. It’s a self-assured belief – often without concrete evidence – that gives you the courage to step into the unknown when you have absolutely no idea where you’re going, let alone what street you’re on. Delusion is the unwavering belief that Harry Styles will single you out in a crowd or aimlessly applying to Yale and getting in. It’s him liking your story once (1) and letting that inflate into believing that he’s obsessed (because he is!). What sets delusion apart is its ability to propel you to act in a way that actually serves your interests. When you operate under the assumption that you WILL get what you want — no matter how big or small — your behavior reflects this belief, making it more likely for you to actually go after what you desire. Acting like you already have it often brings it closer to your reality. And besides, delusion just makes life a little bit more spicy 🌶️
When you embrace your delusion with a touch of realism, a state of being where you let yourself dream big (emphasis on the “let yourself” because it’s a CHOICE you make) while also remaining aware of the person that you are to yourself and others, that’s when your desires come to you. It becomes less about chasing after them and more about creating a magnetic pull that draws them towards YOU. Basically, you’ll start experiencing lots of seemingly unintentional, serendipitous manifestations, and will be winning at life. And who doesn’t want that?
The 'Delusionally Aware' newsletter was born for a couple of reasons, really: Firstly, I've always loved writing, but having the freedom to do so in my own style, with my own set of rules, was a luxury I was rarely afforded at Yale. And secondly, I truly believe that viewing everything through a delusionally aware lens has made life significantly juicier and more exciting for me, and I'm not one to gatekeep ;) So, tune in next week for anything and everything culture (the new, the old, the pop), probably some psycho-analysis, certainly some opinion pieces and theories, and definitely some guaranteed delusional awareness.
At the end of each letter, I'll leave you with a song I've been hyper fixated on recently. This week's suggestion is "Please, Please, Please" by another delusionally aware girl, Sabrina Carpenter. I listened to this song as I walked through Greenwich Village Friday and it made me feel about 93.6% hotter. Highly recommend.
See you next Sunday at noon. I come to you on the holy day.
xx, Xtina.